Which of the spiritual leaders of the world’s greatest religions would get more chicks, I mean responses, on an online classified adds. Jesus Christ was a rebel, he spoke out against the established Jewish leaders, he loved to travel, and didn’t really have a job. I think the ladies online would love this guy. I think Jesus was the original hippie, he preached universal love and had long hair. I think that Christ was a pimp with the ladies, and not a pimp in the biblical sense.
Buddha was like a three-hundred pound short dude. Yeah, he laughs a lot and chicks like to be around a fun loving guy. If he had a hog, Harley, I think that would be a better look for this big bald dude. If he had a Harley he could rewrite Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Here is what I think his ad would read like if he was looking for a hot date to reach nirvana with:
Non conventional hottie here! A little on the heavy set but I just like to crush a lot.
Krishna is your typical playa but remember to not hate the playa, hate the game. It is said that Krishna could please several milk maids at once, and as soon as one of them would get jealous he would leave her. Sounds kinda like a jerk. The ladies say, according to scripture, that he is a passionate giving lover. He is said to play with the hearts of a whole flock of cowherd girls. Anyways, this is what I think his add would read:
NSA fun. Boddy call, all you have to do is dial.
Before you go to the confessional after reading this, I will admit that this will sound like heresy to some ardent believers. I believe too, but I have been pretty much excommunicated from all of the world’s religions. I think I will like King Edward of England and start my own phony religion based on no moral grounds so I could marry a whore and make myself the patriarch of the church, you know like the Church of England.
One of my favorite hashtags on Twitter is #haiku. Every once in a while, when I a bored or need some inspiration, I search twitter for recent haiku tweets. Here are some of my favorite that I have collected over the time.
@Baron_waffles: trying to figure / out the mystery which is / the female species.
I came across the following business quote from Thomas Watson, the founder of IBM.
Recently, I was asked if I was going to fire an employee who made a mistake that cost the company $600,000. No, I replied, I just spent $600,000 training him.
- Thomas J. Watson/IBM founder
A similar mistake happened at a previous high tech company I was with, a series of mistakes cost the company nearly $70,000. No one was fired, no heads were rolled, but it was one of the most expensive learning experiences one can ever learn.
In some ways, I would say ‘hell ya, fire that sucker.’ But the changes of you bringing on someone new and having that new person make the mistake is probably higher than from existing team members that have learned the costly lesson.
I ran into two presentations that follow the inspiration poster pattern about things Venture Capitalist and Startup Founders never say via TechCrunch. I was surprised, if Venture Capitalist and Startup Founder feel like this about each other how is there going to be trust to build a sustainable business, I guess sustainable is not a liquidity event. I thought they were very good and I posted the text below.
It seems like their is one guy currently naming all the new mid-season television shows. Maybe it is a trend, started by The Office, but many of the names of recent television shows have the following patter The Noun. To see what I mean, here are a few names of new and upcoming television shows.
Here I am reblogging some retweets for the past month that broken down by subject matter. Some of these tweets also cover events that occurred in May 2009. If you like to follow along, befriend me and I’ll be sure to follow back.
LOLprez
I’m the punchdrunk president.
Don’t call me unpatriotic, watching American Idol!
I’m a red coat living in a blue state hustling for some green backs.
In the morning I like breakfast, and at noon a quickie.
Forming a shadow government.
Out for a smoke, to get some fresh air.
This morning I am the Commander and Sous Chef!
Who needs an alarm clock when you got kids!
Everything in Spanish sounds like a sexual innuendo.
First get it going, then get it popping, and finally you got something…
Get yours, defend yours, represent yours!
If you start taking self-help advice from a comedian, you need a drinking problem.
Some people are comedians and others are self proclaimed self help guru, either way it is the same material.
Opportunity is the best freedom of all.
It is easier to change peoples behavior than their beliefs, once you change the behavior then you can start to change their beliefs…
Life does not buffer like a bad youtube stream.
Life is both the instrument and melody.
First The Man tried to keep you down, then he made you work for him, and now you got to pay The Man.
Learn it and earn it!
Where water flows, food grows!
Breaking News: the real news have been interrupted for a live update on the Miss California controversy.
Any monkey can wage war with laser guided weaponry, but a civilized man wages war with discourse, dialog, and debate.
The curriculum in our education system is at least ten years behind the skills new graduates require entering the workforce.
The educational system is designed to make you work for the man!
The news network are nothing more than FUD factories.
It seems to me that the Associated Press (AP) is nothing more than a PR agency for dates and stuff that happens on said dates.
Obama
Obama considering charging CIA official fir torture, Cheney must be rolling in his secret underground lair…
Obama is making rookie mistakes, he went from junior senator to junior president.
Why is it that Obama reaching out, almost pandering, hand shaking, and hob-nobbing with members of the Axis of Evil?
Obama’s half brother had been living in the UK illegally for seven years, his aunt had been living illegally in the US since 2000.
Did Obama bow to Suadi Suga Daddy: http://tinyurl.com/oil-bow
Did Obama bow to Saudi king? Obama didn’t just bow, he almost went down on him. It almost seems that Obama kissed the King’s pimp hand.
Some pundits thought Obama was a Manchurian Candidate, I would say he is a Meccan Candidate.
Obama broke the ultimate glass ceiling only to live behind a teleprompter.
Obama’s Kenyan aunt stated in the US illegally, even received public housing, in Boston area.
Obama is such a back seat driver in regards to the auto industry but for the bank sector he is a sugar daddy!
Obama just forced me into bankruptcy!
Is Obama on the campaign trail? He sounds like a candidate, not the president.
Obama parties like a rock star, I party like a libertarian.
Obama’s approval rating drop 5 points to 59%.
Party like it’s 1999 or better yet, like you at the Obama White House.
Obama needs to reform his vetting process, even after three tries his Sec. of Treasury had tax issues, his CIO pick had an ongoing FBI case.
Obama’s CIO was asked to take a leave just days after being appointed due to FBI raid and fraud investigation.
With Obama, the White House has become one big block party. It went from the people’s business to the people’s party. BYOB!
I am more interested in the last 100 days than the first 100 days.
Hope is the currency of the poor.
Politics
The Republican Party needs to understand that it is not a party if you don’t invite folks in and/or are not welcoming to all…
It seems that the Republican Party needs a bailout.
There should be as many memorial days as there are wars, that is four days for war on drugs, terrorism, Iraq, and Afghanistan…
Politician’s golden hammers are laws, for every issue they want to hammer it down with a new regulation.
Who knew what when and how? The truth is that in politics, no one knows anything anyways.
Senators, congressmen, and other elect officials pledged allegiance to the people, not to political parties and not a political apparatus.
Political Science is not really a science. It is not art. It is more akin to alchemy.
Why is there so many sexual innuendo in politics, i.e. ’stimulus package’ and ‘teabagging’
You don’t count votes the way you count pages in a book, products in a store shelf, and goals in the soccer field.
In politics your friends are your enemies are your friends.
The geo-political situation in a person’s place of origin does not define them as a person.
One politicians pork barrel is another politicians other white meat.
Government
There is a circle of life, but there is also a vicious circle of tyranny.
The less control a person has the more importance they give to trivial control mechanism, rules, and regulations.
No foreign aid policy is better than a bad foreign aid policy…
When capitalism grows to large to fail and it actually does fail then it instantly becomes socialism.
Transparency kills apathy.
More government, less filling!
Handing out some random statistics is not transparency.
Just by saying that you are transparent alone does not make governments transparent.
Geithner said we are not in the same economic boat, but in same storm. His boat has snipers and your boat has been attacked by pirates.
VP Joe Biden stood up in front of a bunch of Hollywood execs and promised to appoint a copyright czar, and then a copyright gulag.
Just like sovereign individuals do not have certain rights but privileges, sovereign nations also do not have certain rights but privileges.
If at first you have secret laws, what follows are secret courts and secret prisons.
In true democracy laws can not be drafted, agreed, and passed in secret.
The government can create and save millions of dollars by adopting Ubuntu and green open source technologies.
Some shadow governments are using 1984 not as a cautionary tale of fascism and totalitarianism but as a practical how to guide or tutorial.
The US does not want to fight the war on drugs in its own streets, so it funds both sides of that war in the developing world!
In case of total state failure, which would you prefer? Biker gang ala Mad Max, religious fanatics ala Afghanistan, …
… drug carter ala Mexico, genocide ala Yugoslavia, paramilitary ala Columbia, revolutionaries ala Congo, cultural revolution ala China?
WTF
Marijuana is America’s #1 cash crop at $36 billion a year.
35 million people in the US use narcotics or abuse prescription drugs, spending more than $64 billion annually. - Forbes March 09
Heard of NPR this morning that Mafia Inc. brings in 6% of the GDP in Italy.
If prison inmates have access to cellphones even though they are not allowed in prison, why don’t they just have cellphone jammers in place?
Use the enemies white flag of surrender as the target.
The only thing to fear is level threat orange.
Getting jiggy with wigidy wigidy wack!
The reason justice is blind is not to attain equality, it is so that lawyers can rob you blind and get away with it.
Vegetarianism is a form of discrimination, discrimination against meat, flavor, and protein!!
You know you hit a new bottom when you are doing crack off a hooker’s crack.
I want to eat your cookie to get to my fortune…
Citizens don’t want no stinking speeches, they want stinking money to pay the stinking bills.
Today is Earth Day, the other 364 days in the year are Fossil Fuel Days.
Bailout
Citi: What’s in your wallet? Me: My hard earn money byatch, get your bailout from some one else’s wallet.
too big to fail + fail + bailout + government ownership = socialism
What? I don’t get today off but most of wall street, which handed them a bailout and a bonus, do? Now I am mad!
Is bailout the new profit.
My New Business Plan: Start a company, grow to ‘to big to fail’ proportions, fail, government bailout, big bonus, ???, profit!
Economy
Investment bankers are capitalist terrorist, they’ll bomb your 401K and make their getaway with a golden parachute.
Investment bankers are monkeys with three piece suits, but instead of throwing feces at each other they throw your money.
Don’t push us cause we are close to the edge, we trying not to loose our hedge fund.
We are going to print so much money that forgeries are going to be worth than the real deal.
We are going to print so much money that we are going to run out of ink.
Don’t let the dow get you down.
How about having an insurance that covers you if you become uninsured.
There is nothing free in a free market. There is no such thing as free lunch in a free market.
Know your enemy, know yourself, know your economy.
Let’s rebuild the American economy on the foundation on Web 2.0 social network widgets and badges.
The biggest threat to national security is our insecurity, is this economy making my butt look big?
Hope alone does not improve the economy.
From 2000-2008 islamo-fascist terrorism was a perceived threat when we should have just focused on the fundamentals of the economy.
I got a big stimulus package. Baby, I’m to big to fail!
Economists are modern day alchemists.
Why are there economists? To make weather men look good.
The good economic news is that we are not falling off a cliff, bad news is we are stuck in unemployment quick sand.
Capitalism
You betray the principles that Che lived and died for when you buy shirts with his likeness, even if the are made out of hemp.
GM: General Motors = Government Motors?
Figured out what AIG stands for: Arrogance Incompetence Greed
IBM should renamed itself to Indian Business Machines.
Capitalism has no scruples.
A fair deal does not make for good capitalism.
Taxes
Why even go to work, at the end of the day the IRS takes the half and the wife takes the other half!
IRS Agent: accountants with guns!
It is said that ‘the road to hell is paved with good intentions’, similarly good incentives are the loop holes for big corporate tax breaks.
Political speeches does not replace thoughtful policy, does not create and save jobs, it does not reduce taxes, or end violence!
If you believe politicians will not raise new taxes, you are as naive as a 15 year old that still believes in Santa Claus.
Stop the violence or government will tax it!
If there us a G20, I think it’s time for C20. The group of the top 20 corporations.
Swine Flu
Which came first, the flu or the flu vaccine?
I am not afraid of the avian flu or swine flu. I am afraid of the killer whale killer flu!
Only Mexicans and indigenous have died from the #swineflu. I suspect Cortes and his conquistadores are responsible this biological germ fare attack.
In the War of Terror you torture and kill insurgents. In the War of Influenza, you grow new cultures and strands of the contagious virus.
It is expected that the genetically engineered swine flu breakout in Mexico will strategically take out the drug cartels there.
We now interrupt previously scheduled program with a previously scheduled and recorded news on swine flu outbreak.
Terrorism, financial crisis, swine flu… Sounds like 3 out of 4 horsemen… What is next?
If you like pork ribs are you more susceptible to the #swineflu?
If you think the #swineflu is bad, wait until the #lolcat flu, or worst yet the #failwhale flu!
Even if you eat a truck load of pork chops, there is a higher probability that you will die of the cholesterol than from #swineflu!
Retweets don’t save lives from #swineflu!
#swineflu + twitter = oink oink tweet tweet
Eating pork rinds!
People got the saying all wrong, it is not when pigs fly, it is when swine flu!
Pandemics moves product!
The #swineflu has caused a hysteria outbreak!
The #swineflu has affected Twitter.
First it was mad cow, then bird flu, and now pork chop flu. What is next killer fish fungus?
If you don’t bailout the pork barrel industry they will release an outbreak of swine flu!
The 12 Monkeys outbreak of swine flu has struck Mexico. The swine flu has spliced genes from birds, people, and male chauvinist pigs.
Terrorism
You cannot negotiate with terrorists and toddlers!
One man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter, and if you are the CIA today’s freedom fighter is tomorrows terrorist.
One man’s mujahideen is another man’s taliban!
To fight an enemy that does not exist, you must first give it a name, then you can claim victory over fictitious enemy.
It may be true that one man’s terrorist is another’s freedom fighter, but a civilian caught in the crossfire is usually dead for both men.
Just two wrongs don’t make a right, two holocaust don’t redeem a people.
Is opposing the wanton destruction caused by the Israeli government and military forces anti-semitic?
Those involved in the Middle East conflict are clearly not adherents of the Middle Way.
The UK practices terrorism by absurdity.
Global War on Terror is now known as Overseas Contingency Operations.
Enemies: It is better to debate them and educate them than bait them and annihilate them.
The worst part of censorship is [REDACTED].
Censorship is another form of terrorism by omission.
Revolutionaries are usually reactionaries!
Refuge camps are the new concentration camps.
Questions
Why is tax day on pay day?
Do you think they have Taliban Idol?
Dust Bowl refugees used to have signs that read ‘California or Bust’. But where will they go if California itself goes bust?
Did bull market bully consumers into unsustainable borrowing and fiscal deficit?
Quotes
The Republican party is ideological on a religious basis very much like the Taliban - @THErealDVORAK
It is not a two party system, it is a one party system. - @THErealDVORAK
Some people go commando, I go command line. - @adamcurry
Facebook is coke, Twitter is crack. - @adamcurry
Change and hope are no longer tax deductible - @adamcurry
If we can’t make money, we’ll make music. - Huckabee
Here I am reblogging some retweets for the past month that broken down by subject matter. Some of these tweets also cover events that occurred in May 2009. If you like to follow along, befriend me and I’ll be sure to follow back.
Blogmouth
Factoid: Less than 10,000 of the nearly 200,000 books published each year sell more then a 5,000 copies.
I don’t like the rating between 0 to 10. I use 10 to 20, that way everybody is a 10 or better!
Signal to noise ratio is goes straight to hell when you are in an echo chamber.
It is often the case that an argument between two parties will dissolve into different tangets with neither party realizing it.
People will find contradictions even when splitting hairs.
There are two sides to every story and then there is the truth.
Some people use reverse psychology, I use inverse psychology.
Perfection is relative.
Ytz hawt n heyr!
Hanging out in the frozen food section to beat the heat!
There is nothing more infuriating than a jerkoff that is driving at exactly the speed limit no mater what traffic condition or flow is.
Don’t just wake up, shake it up!
I love haters, they provided free constructive criticism.
Few people know what they want before they have it. Few people know what they have before they lost it. Instead you should just lose want!
Today’s Style and Attitude: Corporate gansta out to beat da man at his own player hating game!
Common sense is always welcomed.
Knowledge earn is never lost.
Be a warrior for positive change.
Meta-protest: protesting protesters.
New Motto: Just mash it up!
Three degrees of mofoness: I know Moros that know mifis that know nifos.
The first thing people should learn well is how to make decisions, the second thing they should master is how to live with the consequences
You know when they say, ‘If you wait for the perfect moment, it will pass you by.’ Same us true for perfect price, perfect job, etc.
Stringing together a bunch of statistics does not make a solid argument! Analysis, not statistics, always helps make a better case!
The subconscious mind is a terrible things to waste.
Make your name mean something. If you can define the meaning of your name what would it stand for?
Twitter
Asking your Twitter followers is not market research!
Twitter’s planned maintenance or planned fail!?
If your significant other has to login to twitter to get some attention, you are tweeting to much.
Tumblr made my blog obsolete, Twitter made my Tumblr obsolete, and the matrix will make Twitter obsolete.
Twitter is the command line of the web.
Twitter is the perfect platform for misinformation. It could have been designed by the Iraqi Minister of Information.
Twitter is over capacity. Too many tweets! Please wait a moment and write in your diary instead.
Twitter is too big to fail! Twitter’s business model should be asking the Obama administration for a bailout?
Question
What are the best practices in social media?
How do we know what we know?
Do you think Steve Jobs has his barber sign an NDA before he can cut Steve’s hair?
Who let the dogs out???
Is it just me or does it feel like a Monday?
When babies cry do they have an accent? Like a British, Southern, or French accent?
Is Michael Arrington the Perez Hilton of Silicon Valley?
If you can do more with less, how much can you do with more? Can you do more with more?
Which is easier, getting a new customer or a repeat customer?
Is good, good enough? Or is great, better?
Which is worst, having children learn creationism or from corporate approved and sponsored workbooks in school?
Does democracy naturally lead to idiocracy?
Is Social Security a Ponzi scheme?
Who is still not done with their taxes?
Where will refugees seek refuge if their refugee camps are being bombarded?
How low can the DOW go? How high can unemployment reach? Will they meet in the middle?
Is hate speech free speech?
Is Oakland the new Detroit?
How much are your constitutional rights worth?
Is Dubai a mirage financed by oil drench hubris?
If you are made in the image of God, why do you foresake your foreskin?
Puff Diddy, otherwise known as P Diddy and about ten other alias, recently reached 1,000,000 followers on Twitter. He put out a video to commemorate his Twitter milestone, a feat accomplished by the likes of Ashton Kutcher, Britney Spears, and Oprah Winfrey. For one reason or another, the rubbed the Twitter community the wrong way and they all revolted with a #unfollowdiddy hashtag that was trending for nearly two days. The unfollow Diddy trend included tweets that gave a funny reason why people should not follow him. Diddy didn’t get the joke, which made it even more funny when he responded with a follow Diddy campaign.
Here is a sample of the hundreds of thousands, if not millions of tweets that went out recommending folks to not follow Diddy. (more…)