Obamanation

• Prof Prez Obama’s answer to the meaning of life and everything else is to form a sub-committee to find out whose ass to kick.
• The reason President Obama has not kick any ass with the oil, car, and banking industry is because he can find the ass to kick.
• President Obama is not really the ass kicking kind of president, he is more the ass thinking.
• Have you notice that presidential candidates always promise change, but never promise to just make shit better for people.

Got Gov?

• Just like criminals cannot profit from their crimes, so too politicians should be made not to profit from theirs.
• Here is a revenue generating idea, tax up to 80% of all income made by current and former elected politicians.
• Pot Holes: Your tax dollars at making your vehicle not work!
• Local governments don’t like to pay for cops unless it’s with overtime.
• Cops are corrupt the world over, the difference is what it takes to corrupt them, a $20 bribe or a few hours over time.
• Don’t do drugs, don’t fund CIA black ops.

Politricks

• Al Gore says, “I did not have sexual relations with that women.”
• General McChrystal must have been on McMeth when he agreed to do the Rolling Stones interview.
• You know you are in the wrong side of every aisle when you have to apologize for your apology.
• I think vuvuzelas should be allowed and be part of the political discussions, debates, and town hall meetings.
• Vuvuzela for president 2012!!!
• Free Weev!!!

Propagandon’t

• Some Americans remember the Alamo but many of those that do don’t remember why they should have remember it in the first place.
• There is no freedom just propagandom.
• Fear is a virus of the mind!
• Control the supply, and you control the demand and the price you can charge.

War Racket

• Congratulations Afghanistan, for being the longest American war!!!
• Art is my favorite weapon.
• War will lead us to energy independence!!!

Question

• If your life can be condensed to one photo would be a still life study or an out of focus action shot?
• Why would you need a tool to open this toolset I just bought?
• If Steve Jobs would reinvent the wheel what would it be like?
• If he built a better mouse trap would the mice become Apple fanboys?
• If it’s not fun, is it worth it?
• Who needs a StairMaster when you have a kid and a set of stairs?
• What kind of characters hang out at the corner of East Sesame Street and MLK Blvd? Crackhead Monster? Beto y Kike? El Memo? Big Pimp?

Randumb

• Zombies replicate by infection, the Borg by assimilation, can you imagine a zombie-Borg hybrid? A zomborg? Brains are futile.
• This Aquafina water bottle claims to be made with 50% less plastic. How does that make it an eco-bottle?
• In no country, culture, time, or parallel universe does nagging make things better.
• I love digitally, um either turned on or turned off.
• Just because you don’t see eye to eye with someone does mean you can go toe to toe with them.
• You know how meterologists name hurricanes after people’s name, they should be named after fictional characters…
• If hurricane would be names after fictional characters you know Hurricane Anakin would grow into one mean mofo of a storm.
• Being honest isn’t a fault.
• The new anti-Semitic is the anti-Semexican.
• Forget snakes in a plane, I got ants in my car!
• This TV diner is a rerun.
• I don’t no the meaning of the word know.
• Trafffuuuck!!!
• FML SMH WTF LOL
• From preschool to postdoc, school is universally for fools.
• To me an expresso machine is like a time machine.
• You are no better than those whom you’ve deem the worst.

Overheard

• OH: Awww, that gansta cute.
• OH: It’s business not celebrityness.
• OH: Who touched my iPad, there’s a smudge on the screen.
• OH: We are getting it done. It will be done. So it’s done.

Craporation

• In the US, corporations are always right.
• The BP Oil Spill is so large that it is thinking of running for president 2012 as a Republican. Campaign platform will be: Drill Baby Spill
• Just like the brain is the biggest sex organ the biggest oil company is JP Morgan.
• When life gives you an oil spill you make off like a bandit.
• Al Qeada are a bunch of incompetents, BP, Golden Sachs, Monsanto can do more harm in one day than a bunch shoes and whitey tighties.
• Oil executives think they are as slick as the oil they spill.
• The BP oil spill is as large as the state of Vermont. The BP oil spill is so large, it should be it’s own state, Oilzona.

World Cup

• World Cup: it’s not about how well you play, it’s how well the referees can see.
• World Cup: The outcome of the World Cup is determined way in advance of the opening ceremony.
• World Cup: FIFA fo dumb!
• World Cup: each game should three score, one for goals each team has made and another for the number of bad calls made by the refs.
• World Cup: it’s not about how many goals you score, it’s about how many goals the refs will qualify.
• The World Cup has as much integrity as Chicago politics.

Futurism

• In the future, robots will go to your local polling place and vote electronically for you and then an algorithm will declare the winner.
• In the future, you can pick up FDA grade heroin at the condiment aisle at your local super market.
• The future has let me down in terms of jet pack technology and space travel.
• The future tastes like plastic.

Got Gov?

• The business of democracy is big business.
• Stupidity likes to repeat and reproduce and reelect itself.
• The government is developing vaccines to viral ideas.
• Civilians make for good target practice.
• The real April Fool’s Day is April 15.
• If they put fluoride in water, nuclear waste under mountains, and pollutants in the air what would they not put in flu vaccines?
• Uncle Sam doesn’t know how to use the Internet.
• Unle Sam shoots up.
• Uncle Sam works for the CIA.
• Uncle Sam is a pimp.
• If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. If all yo have is an attack Apache helicopter, everyone looks like an insurgent.
• When the pen is mightier than the sword, then the camera with a large telephoto lens will be considered as a weapon.
• The Indian Penal Code, Section 508, makes it illegal to pretend to be a god. Let there be, lawyers!
• Your tweets will be held against you in a court of law.
• Not all laws are created equal.
• The revolution will not be televised, it will be streamed, tweeted, and liked.

Politricks

• Stupidity does not term limits.
• In Russia, they have Russian dolls, a doll that fits in a larger on that fits in a larger on.
• In Washington, they have Washington Puppets, where one puppet is in the pocket of a larger political puppet that is in the pocket of a larger political puppet.
• In Washington, politicians have puppets in their closets and special interest in the pocket.
• President Bush to release a children’s book, Decision Points and Dinosaur Grrrs.
• Politicians count on your apathy more than your vote.
• Icelandic karma is a bitch, Eyjafjallajokull fuck yeah!
• I wouldn’t put it past Iceland to cause the Eyjafjallajokull volcano eruption and disrupting Northern Europe for messing with the Krona.
• There was a second shooter involved in the death of Polish President Lech Kaczynski.

Econemy

• It may be true that white men can not jump, but they can sure create toxic investment vehicles like nobodies
  biznatch.
• You can’t regulate greed.
• If time flies, then money teleports.
• Goldman Sucks is the house, on Wall street, never bet against the house, especially when using your own house!
• Goldman Sucks makes money when the market is up, and it can make even more money when the market is down and out.

Propagandon’t

• Jon Stewart is a clown with a news desk and teleprompter, and for that matter so is Katie Curic, Brian Williams,
  etc..
• Is Joy Behar new Larry King, their shows seem the same and they look alike.
• If as soon as you are born you are slapped in the butt and slapped with a barcode and serial number you are not born free.
• What really worries me is that the sun is going through climate change!
• The planet doesn’t need to be save, what needs to be save is our lifestyle.
• Climate change is the only constant.
• Next thing you know some greenie will link the recent spike in earthquake activity to climate change.
• If you think about it, all water is recycled water.
• Illegal Aliens are the new Pilgrims.
• American’s have a way of sugar coating history, like calling how American’s describes the Mayflower passengers as pilgrims.

Question

• If time is money, then what is crack…?
• Two unanswered questions: Where is Osama and who is Banksy?
• Can law be criminal?
• Is Burma the new Tibet?
• What is the cost of easy money?
• Is money invaluable? What is the cost of money?
• If you have multiple personalities, can your personalities conspire against you?
• Do the walking dead like to eat the brains of the brain dead or is that not zombie kosher?
• Where do employees at Budweiser go for Happy Hour?
• iPad or iFad?

Randumb

• Car companies have replaced the dip stick with the driver.
• Hip Hop sold out to Hollywood.
• I’m dyslexic, I can’t tell the diff between WTF and FTW.
• And then God said, “Let there be gravity, bitches!!!.”
• I had a dream that I lacked sleep, so even in my dreams I am sleep deprived.
• My heart rate is sync’d to the BPM of this song.
• Blame it on the chocolate rain.
• No secret, not forgotten, is ever safe.
• 99.1% of the analysis based on flawed or misunderstood statistics are wrong, that means that those that deny said analysis are baby killers.
• Not all statistics are interpreted equally.
• Thoughts are transforming.
• It’s nearly 6AM, birds ate tweeting, time to go to sleep.
• Content is not content.
• Consuming media through every sense, including the sixth sense.
• You can bump into an ex, you can bump into a mean middle school teacher, or even former parole officer but worse is former hair stylist.
• The future is near.
• Twitter Tourette: Shyt GODAMMIT Fudge Saget!!!1!
• If life is like a box of chocolates, then love is like a box of condoms.

Overheard

• OH: Is that a threat or a promise? Either way stick to it.
• OH: What is the use of User Generated Content when the majority of users are idiots.
• OH: You are a smart cookie, just don’t crumble.
• OH: You are like an emotional turtle, you hide in your shell when someone says something you don’t like.
• OH: Is that Zuckerborg on the cover of Fast Company? They totally airbrushed that guy.
• OH: You only move your arse when you fart.

Obamanation

• Is Obama working for the CIA or the CIA working for Obama? Either case who is working for you?
• Where is my free Obamacare? It must have been lost with the promises of change and hope.

Obamanation

• Why is Obama a bigger disappointment than Bush? Because Obama promised hope and change and delivered on none, and Bush didn’t.
• Soon Bush’s approval rating will seem high compared to Obama’s.
• @whitehouse does the president pay taxes on all the freebies he gets on the job?
• Zombies want to eat brains, Zombama wants to eat your bonus.

Got Gov?

• Lest we forget, the great democracies in human history were formed while slavery was allowed legally and morally.
• If our pocket constitutions, fourth of July flags, and other patriotic souvenirs are made in China, what stops them from making our laws too?
• In the future, the TSA will force passenger to fly barefoot and with nothing more than a medical examination robe.
• The CIA has renditioned Hope to Gitmo.
• In the future, most laws will be drafted, amended, voted, and enacted in behind closed doors, in private as state secret.
• Which is worse, a mole or a rat?
• The biggest fallacy in politics is that voters have to pick sides between donkeys and elephants. I vote for me, not for some bureaucrat.
• The state will replace free will with fear, ideas with propaganda, love with obedience.
• The state wants to take what nature has given, free will, and replace it with product placements.
• The US constitutions is being rewritten to We the Special Interest Lobbyists…
• If you complain about government, you will need to pay a protest tax.

Econemy

• The law of conservation of matter states that matter can’t be created or destroyed out of nothing, money does not have the same law.
• Capital is another word for money. So capitalism means moneyism. Money is said to be the root of all evil…
• The Copenhagen Summit has been hijacked by multi-national corporations that it should simply be renamed to Corpenhagen.
• The longest standing illusion is that of currency.
• US Treasury’s New Motto: In credit ratings we trust.
• If money talks then credit rating hollers.
• Wall street is playing musical chair with your money.
• Boom or Bust: For every boom there is an equal and opposite bust.
• The book Too Big To Fail looks Too Big To Read.
• There is no better deal than paying what you can actually afford for what you actually need.
• Boom or Bust: For every boom there is an equal and opposite bust.

Propagandon’t

• I’m not so worry about climate change as I am worried about magnetic pole change, which has also happened in the past.
• A world whose climate does not change is a lifeless/dead world.
• Do you believe in climate change? I do, the climate changes throughout the year… We call it seasons.
• Global Warming: An Inconvenient Truth or An Inconvenient Data? #climategate
• A critical step in the scientific method is fudging the data. #climategate

War Racket

• We may not have troops in the ground in Pakistan, but there is a war being fought there.
• The Unreported War: Pakistan
• The hearts and minds are not won with a war on terror, but with a war on apathy.
• We torture extremists by playing pop music. Our culture is terrorism.
• Taylor Swift music is perfect for interrogating the Taliban and other enemy combatants.

Question

• Which was the worst navigator, the captain of the Titanic or the Pilot of the Hindenburg?
• Which is better, win now and lose later or lose now and eventually win?
• Is love a medicine, vitamin, or supplement?
• Who hasn’t even started with holiday gift shopping?
• Do you have nothing to hide or nothing to fear?
• How many man hours go into putting up and then putting down Christmas decorations?
• How much money and trees are wasted each year on gift wrapping paper? Something that lasts 10 seconds before it is ripped up.
• Is it weird if your mother in law gives you mistletoe on Facebook?
• How much data storage capacity was created last year? How much original data was created?
• Why isn’t everything like riding a bike?
• Which is worse, a control freak or clean freak?
• Is it the thought that counts or the cost?
• Which movie was worse, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra or Transformers: The Revenge of the Fallen?
• Which do you prefer, white chocolate or dark chocolate?

Randumb

• My new year’s resolution is to come up with a better new year’s resolution next year.
• I don’t understand why I am awake if all the mathematical models in my sleep simulation have me asleep.
• Some people agree to disagree but others just plain out disagree to agree.
• If we are going to agree to disagree why not just agree that I am right.
• Stuff crust is the best thing since sliced bread.
• Big girls love by the pound.
• News: 40% ads, 40% editorial, %10 CIA misinformation, %5 incorrect, 3% gossip, 1% real news.
• I BE AWESOME AND SO IS YOU.
• You can’t hurry up time.
• Life is a numbers game.
• I’m rocking in the rain.
• Rome didn’t burn in a day.
• Listening to what in 100 years will be categorized as Late Period Classical Gangsta Rap.
• Old clowns never die, they just become childrens’ nightmares.
• Love is a whore.
• If you get it you get it if not forget.
• If I was a ghost, I be the shy ghost in the library reading self help books to afraid to booing anyone for fear of being shushed.

Overheard

• OH: You are so much fun when I am drunk.
• OH: the only criticism I have about you is that you don’t take any criticism well.

Craporation

• The only satisfied AT&T customer is the CIA.