• I could not sleep last night worrying about one of those four madmen getting nuclear weapons. #cnndebate #flprimary
• Still four of them? What was the point of the last debate if no one was executed? #cnndebate
• If the Arizona governor stuck her finger in my face, you know what I’d call that? A free snack.
• My critics say I’m out of touch. But if that’s true, how come I have so many friends on MySpace? #BOOM
• Here’s my state of the union: it’s fuckin dope. Peace out yall.
• In case you’re wondering where Facebook’s privacy policy came from, they stole it from the N Korean government. #PROPS
• Once a year I, too, gather all my political opponents in one room, to shoot them. #SOTU
• Sending people to a crowded freezing place and making them watch indie films is one form of torture we haven’t tried.
• The negative ads Americans use to destroy other politicians seem crazily expensive compared to our system of poisoning.
• So the Republican leader pays no taxes and gets rich on the labor of others? American bastards have stolen our system.
• Dope news, y’all – just decided that our national bird will be Angry.
• IF SOUTH KOREA POKES ME ON FACEBOOK I WILL CONSIDER THAT AN ACT OF WAR #SHITJUSTGOTREAL
• The US claims it stands for human rights, and yet it banned Four Loko. #hypocrisy
• Does my population make me look fat?
• I have 20,000 followers after only 7 days. Not bad for a dude who banned the Internet. #pimpin
• At moments like this it terrifies me that the US has nuclear weapons. #GOPDebate
• Yall played this dope new game Farmville? Imaginary farms grow imaginary food. Just like North Korea. #sofaking #dope
• Willing to trade nuclear fuel rod for XBox 360 in good condition. IM me on MySpace.

• @FrankQuattrone: #AskObama Do you believe prosecutors who intentionally break the law to convict innocent people should enjoy absolute immunity from lawsuit?
• @dmscott: #AskObama Tech & knowledge industries are thriving, yet jobs discussion always centers on manufacturing. Why not be realistic about jobs?
• @TheNewDeal: Would you consider legalizing marijuana to increase revenue and save tax dollars by freeing up crowded prisons, court rooms? #AskObama #p2
• @Nedd8: #askobama Should you be impeached for violating War Powers Resolution by bombing Libya without congressional mandate within 60 days?
• @ioerror: Free speech is important for a healthy American economy. Will you agree to stand against all censorship of the internet? #AskObama
• @ResistTyranny: How many terrorists have been apprehended by #TSA? #AskObama #SecurityTheater
• @GaltsGirl: Since your law degree is useless, did you ever consider going back for something useful to your profession… like economics? #askObama
• @kpoulsen: #AskObama How do we know this is really you? Please produce your long-form X.509 Certificate
• @lolprez: #AskObama Did Anthony Wiener ever DM you?
• @iowahawkblog: #askobama I let my Mexican drug lord license expire. Am I still eligible for the free machine gun program?
• @Heritage: You said your stimulus plan would keep unemployment below 8%. Do you agree that was a trillion dollars wasted? #AskObama
• @whitneypitcher: Did your teleprompter take a cue card holder’s job, just like an ATM taking a teller’s job? #askobama
• @lheal: Two years into your administration, Gitmo remains open. Are you going to close it soon, and end this blight on our national soul? #askobama
• @marychastain: #AskObama Are you aware you’re half-white & your white relatives raised you?
• @jimgeraghty: So, was the ATF “Fast and Furious” program just your way of increasing U.S. exports? #AskObama
• @bethanyshondark: If Bush was behind everything wrong with America, why is your foreign policy indistinguishable from his? #AskObama
• @kerpen: Is shutting down a Boeing plant that already employs 1000+ part of your “jobs agenda”? #AskObama
• @LarrySabato: #askObama If Bush had launched Libyan adventure, wouldn’t Sen.Obama have demanded War Powers Act be obeyed?
• @FreedomWorks: In January 2009, 7.3% of Americans were unemployed. 9.1% are unemployed today. Where are your stimulus jobs? #askobama
• @JamilSmith: The “War on Drugs” is 40 years running. What are you and the DOJ doing to address racial discrepancies in prison sentencing? #AskObama
• @oxfamamerica: What investments would you support in food security and climate resilience to create millions of jobs and fight #hunger? #AskObama
• @World_Wildlife: What can you do to PERMANENTLY protect “America’s fish basket”, Bristol Bay, from unsafe oil and gas exploration? #AskObama
• @irolands: Mr. President, you want fries with that? #AskObama
• @DVCfanatic: #askobama Mr. President, are you destroying the economy on purpose or are you really that ignorant when it comes to how the economy works?
• @JakeShriar: #AskObama What do you plan to do about the fact that foreclosures are still rising?
• @bmilleville: Why cant I find a job #askobama
• @brotherm4n: #AskObama What about Building 7????
• @JonahNRO: Is it true you’re so vain you think this tweet is about you? #askobama
• @abuhatem: #AskObama why are we funding the military of South Korea, Japan, Egypt, Israel, Saudi Arabia, and Taiwan? Why can’t they defend themselves?
• @PBJaxx: Poker is not a crime. Do you support licensing and regulating online #poker? #askobama

Obamatron

• President Barrack Obama to crown himself Sultan Hussein Obama.
• Would Sultan Hussein Obama intervene in Bahrain, Syria, Yemen, Ivory Coast, Britain?
• Show me the money, the real unemployment figures, the federal reserves back office deals, and your birth certificate.
• President Obama sought approval for war and aggression towered Libya in the UN instead of from congress.
• Obama doesn’t need congress to declare war if he gets his marching orders from a UN resolution.
• President Obama is a token president.
• Do as you are told – President Obama

Got Gov?

• ‘We the people’ has been rewritten to ‘we the lobbyists.’
• The default policy for government should be freedom not feardom.
• The president is not above the law of the land.
• United Slaves of America.
• If the press cows to government censorship requests, is there really freedom of press?
• 50% of all Al Queda members are CIA.
• There is a secret government black op agency known as CIAQ, Central Intelligence Al-Queda.
• If the government shuts down, I will proclaim myself emperor of these United States, except for Idaho.
• IRS agents don’t carry calculators, they carry guns.
• Half of congress are trolls the other half are tools.
• If Hollywood ran the government, Charlie Sheen would be president, Mel Gibson Vice President, and Lady Gaga would the the Secretary of State, and American Idol judges would run the Supreme Court.
• Donald Trump should make The Apprentice: Congress Edition
• This is not a Twitter revolution or Facebook uprising. Was the American Revolution known as a pamphlet uprising?
• Snooki for Secretary of State.
• If Apple’s legal team wrote the constitution Jobs would tax you 30% for exercising your rights 2 life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
• AT&T gives the NSA better service than its customers.
• AT&T to merge with the NSA, to be called NSAT&T.

Politricks

• Mossad and Hamas should kiss and make up.
• If you wand great Paris souvenirs then go to China.
• Half of the British royal family’s income comes from the revenue and television rights of royal weddings.

War Racket

• Worst than going to war is going to war with no clear objectives, targets, and command.
• A tomahawk cruise missile fired hundreds of miles away is an act of war just as much as deploying soldiers.
• Nothing beats the smell of tomahawk cruise missiles in the air in the morning.
• Let’s us remember that the colonialism that the new world endured for 500 years was a coalition of the willing.
• The default setting in US drone’s target system is to seek and destroy any tribal meeting or wedding party.
• The best defense is a good surface to air defense.
• We are in an information war and the front line is social media, Twitter, Facebook, blogs, YouTube…
• Let freedom ring with the ricochet of a bullet.

Social Propaganda

• Who needs the gestapo when you have Facebook and sockpuppets as friends.
• There is no better marketing event than a natural disaster or national tragedy.
• If you condense a cable news network’s broadcast for a 24 hour period for original content you would only get 10 minutes.
• What need is there for @CNN and other cable news outlet if they show the same few clips from YouTube for 36 hours straight.
• NY Times or CIA Times?
• No wonder America has an obesity problem, depending on the time and channel up at 1/4 of commercials are about food, delicious yummy food…

Questions

• If you were a piece of wood what type of wood would you be?
• How many presidents can you pick up from a police lineup?
• Does the FBI have a backdoor in Foursquare and other location base applications?
• Does Black Water have an air force?
• Why isn’t Mother Nature on anybodies terror watchlist?
• How do you protest a ban on protests?
• What wealthy CEO or Hollywood actor will run for CA governor next?
• What is more important to you, your reputation or character?
• If you were a color in the rainbow what shade would you be?
• How many items do you have in your wishlist?
• If it’s a party in your mouth, where does the after party move to?
• How happy is a clam?

Randumb

• The intelligentsia is stupid.
• Ideas don’t have an ideology.
• If you are still in bed, you are only #winning if there are two other people there with you!
• New survey says that most Americans don’t trust surveys.
• crouching #tigerblood and hidden #dragonfire.
• There is no such thing as white collar on white collar crime.
• The audacity of dope
• Just because I have a big heart doesn’t mean I have a small brain.
• There is gold diggers and then there is nickel diggers.
• I want a unicorn pi~nata!
• If Michelangelo was alive today, his masterpiece David would be posed as if infront of a mirror taking a picture of himself with an iPhone.
• I’m a time machine that only goes forward in time at the constant speed of one minute per minute.
• It’s siesta time somewhere in the world.
• Me so hungry.
• This came to me in a dream: DTF FTW
• I wish I could read in the dark.
• The end is eh.
• I think I wanna start a punk rock band, the Naked Body Scanners.

In The Future

• In the future, the past will become unpredictable.
• Living in the future is so retro.
• In the near future smart phones will be free. Phone makers will make their money on app and media sales.
• In the future, political polls will override, over rule, and out weight the constitution.
• In the future, autotune will win every category in the Grammy’s.
• In the future everyone will be a social media expert.

Overheard

• OH: She took a shower so that she could take a bath.
• OH: It’s like kissing a cookie.
• OH: unicorns ain’t gangsta!
• OH: Your Indian name is Chief Cuts The Cheese.
• OH: I like my women like I like my burrito, wet and spicy.
• OH: I ordered a Hawaiian pizza with extra Hawaiian.

Mcdon’t

• McDonald’s should just come out and make the McCardboard.
• For St. Patrick’s, McDs has a Shamrock Shake. For Cinco de Mayo they should have a Tequila Shake.
• Does anyone actually like the Shamrock Shake at McDs?
• @mcdonalds if I am forced to ask for ketchup and asked to explicitly say how many I need what other cost cutting measures are you doing?
• Hey @mcdonalds, since when is it policy to not give customers what they want? Why was I denied a caramel and strawberry sundea?

Cookie Cartel

• The Girl Scouts cookies are sold by unpaid child labor and I am not entirely sure it is dolphin safe.
• There is nothing “sugar and spice” about the Girl Scouts cookie distribution empire.
• Girl Scouts have this cookie business locked, it’s like a cookie cartel!

An image surfaced in Facebook of a mortar shell used by Ghaddafi forces on the rebels with a insignia that to me immediately looked as a ‘star of david dangling from a parachute.’ I don’t read Arabic, but it seems that those that posted the image are claiming this to be irrefutable proof that the Libyan government are using Israeli munitions on its people. Andy Carvin took it amongst himself to prove this wrong using his journalism degree by just reposting the link on his Twitter account. LOL. This is is journalism in the age of social media, putting up your twitter account and reposting links. You can read the timeline of how Andy Carvin unearthed the fact that the shell is “most likely British made” and the graphic is probably an iconography describing the purpose of the shell. The icon of what seems like the star of David depicts indicates that it’s a flare.

Mortar Shell in Libya

If you look closely at the image in question, you can deduce the function of the shell from the label and icons on the shell. It reads “81 mm M ILLUM PARA L 20A L2Y.” The shell even includes the lot number. Anyone with common sense can know that this image doesn’t necessary mean that Israeli is backing or has backed the Libyan government.

Even thought this seems like common sense, it’s apparently not common sense for journalists like Andy Carvin who is taking credit of his ‘findings’ and social media mad hatter skills of Twitter, Google, and Facebook to ‘debunked sloppy reporting’. What is sad, is that he doesn’t dig deeper than these shallow findings. For one, from the ‘intelligence chatter’ that I am picking up, a great many of the rebel fighters think they are rebelling against their government because they have been told that it’s backed by Israel. The propaganda of this image in pro-Arab Facebook groups and Andy Carvin’s investigated journalism seems to confirm this. Someone is telling the rebel fighters that Israel is involved. The question is who is feeding this anti-Israel and anti-Ghaddafi propaganda to the rebels? Andy Carvin should also following up on why we are actively involved in Libya’s civil war but do very little to prevent the massacres taking place in the Ivory Coast.

Obamatron 3000

• The salary of a president is $374K, but President Obama made over $5 million last year in 2009.
• IBM Watson has more personality than President Obama. IBM Watson for president 2012!
• @barackobama have we invented time travel? Because I thought you were to close Gitmo one year into your term. Maybe your clock runs slow.
• Lil Wayne would have made a better first black president than Obama.
• The audacity of dope
• We got to out build, out innovate, out educate as well as out hustle the rest of the world. – President Obama
• To win the future you’ve got to bet on debt. – President Obama
• To win the future you’ve got to bet on black. – President Obama
• Win The Future By Borrowing From It – President Obama
• I completely oppose the dictatorship of Mubarak Obama.
• Within the span of two years we went from “Yes We Can” to “Oh No He Didn’t”

Got Gov?

• The new world order is of the corporations, by the elites, and for slaves.
• How do you protest a ban on protests?
• Warrants? We no need no stinking warrants to read yo email and Facebook account! – FBI
• An Intelligence Officer in the federal government might make less than $60/year. How intelligent can the guy be to take this job?
• You know the government is too big when there is a official job tittle for a White House Social Secretary that earns in the 6 figures.
• All your income are belong to the IRS.
• You are either a slave of the state or an enemy of the state.
• The CIA is in the malware and virus writing business, basically they are spook script kiddies.
• The government has a back door to your high speed router.
• The feds have seized domain names from individuals, will they next seize Twitter and Facebook accounts?
• The US finances two sort of organizations dictators and banks.

Politricks

• There are laws against panhandling, there should be a law against pandering.
• What former tech CEO will run for governor of California next?
• If Hollywood ran the government, Charlie Sheen would be president, Mel Gibson Vice President, and Lady Gaga would the the Secretary of State
• What wealthy CEO or Hollywood actor will run for CA governor next?
• The land of the free and the home of the brave and the naked body scanners.
• FBI: Facebook Bureau of Investigations
• How is it that a government agency will release a computer virus but some kid that guesses a politicians email password gets jail time?
• The law is not above the law.

Revolutions

• The way Gaddafi has used war planes and high caliber weapons on civilians you would think he was a general with the IDF.
• Political protests are sweeping through the Middle East and Wisconsin.
• Wondering who will be the next dictator of Egypt.
• The people have spoken and regimes have crumble.
• First Tunisia, now Egypt, next England!!!
• Mummy Mubarak to step down!!!
• Congratulations to the people of Egypt.
• The will of the people is mightier than the edicts of dictators.
• Mubarack Obama to step down!!!!
• If you can tweet you can start a revolution.
• If the American Revolution would be held today the Federalist Papers would be known as the Facebook Status Updates.
• The will of the people is always mightier than the will of a dictraitor.
• Dictators are traitor to their country.
• No one questions a hanging chad if it’s punched through with a bullet.
• Some vote with a rigged voting machine, other with cold hard cash, and others with an AK-47.

Econemy

• Wall Street: The Fourth Branch of government.
• In cash we trust.
• Monsanto has figured out how to grow genetically modified money on trees.
• Home is where your mortgage is.
• In information economy you bribe public officials not with dirty money but with dirty insider information.
• Corporatism is not capitalism.

Propagandon’t

• There is no such thing as white collar on white collar crime.
• Let freedom ring with the ricochet of a bullet.
• They should have a naked body scanner at the red carpet at the Oscars.
• This CNN broadcast has been modified to fit your screen and our agenda.
• The revolution will be produced for 24 hour cable news.
• The problem with @CNN is that their anchors talk too much about what they know so little about.
• WTF: Win The Future
• China can advertise in Times Square but I can’t Google in Tiananmen Square.

Question

• Is the federal government too big to fail?
• Bahrain or Bloodrain?

Randumb

• Charity is big business.
• Riots, rebellions, and revolutions in the morning!
• Ethnic cleansing is a dirty business.
• Many of the political assassins in American history have three names, for example Lee Harvey Oswald and Jared Lee Loughner.

In Da Future

• In the future, money will have QR codes and RFID chips.
• In the future, picture taking, map drawing, and evasive driving will be made illegal.
• In the future, it will be considered illegal to quote/teach/defend the Constitution.
• In the future, the chains of bondage will be virtual.

Duchery

• To me @urbanhomestead’s tactics are no better than @MonsantoCo’s. I wonder if get have the same lawyer.
• @urbanhomestead patents pollination in plants, sues the green giant.
• Blogging is often confused with reporting and freedom of speech. – Dervaes Family Institute For Trademark Lawsuits
• @urbanhomestead you can’t usurp a home grown and grass root community with a trademark.
• @urbanHomestead to send Twitter a cease and desist for allowing the #urbanhomestead hashtag.
• @urbanhomestead to send @urbanoutfitters and @KeithUrban a ‘fyi cease and desist’ letter for trademark infringement for using the word Urban
• Hey @urbanhomestead I just purchased The Urban Homestead: Your Guide to Self-sufficient Living in the Heart of the City by Kelly Coyne!
• I hate to inform @urbanhomestead but you can’t claim copyright or trade mark infringement on a book name or title. Stop your attack!
• @urbanhomestead just patented drip irrigation and the domestication of snow peas, oh, and don’t use their trademarks without consent.

• @markos: Obama said the country was founded on compromise? What was that, the Revolutionary Compromise?
• @5tevenw: The best gift you can give is a hug: 1 size fits all and nobody ever minds if you return it!!
• @af: Best iPhone signature I’ve ever seen: “this msg is shrt bcuz it was sent frm my stupid iphone 4g which I hate but feel the need 2 have.”
• @DamnItsTrue: Menstruation, menopause, mental breakdowns -> most women’s problems begin with men.
• @bazecraze: Mom asked me today how to sign up for Twitter. So I told her it was $12.99 a month. Crisis averted.
• @danmartell: “Money grows on the tree of persistence” Japanese Proverb
• @swedal: Do people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is Naive?
• @Ictericia: La ciudad es una composición de ventanas.
• @youloveB: Love my women with high heels & high standards
• @renogood: Demi’s in rehab, Miley’s smoking salvia, Zac Efron & Vanessa Hudgens have split. Disney has more drama than Jersey Shore.
• @techknow: I am an idea artist, making you think is my master piece.
• @dianadiggity: Take a shower, your attitude stinks.
• @OmgAnnalie: As soon as I stop wanting something, I get it. What’s the point of that?
• @PF_TELLUGLYLIES: only time will tell how long i can wait
• @melizeche: If Assange was in China doing the same thing, the West would have called him a dissident and given him a Nobel prize #freeassange
• @512: I wish I could Ctrl+Alt+Delete out of everything.
• @Askmeifigaf: Whats the difference between gorgeous, beautiful and sexy?
• @davepell: Groupon seems to be the one company in their universe NOT willing to take a discount.
• @bobmcwhirter: I’m now corporately ethical and compliant. I have the certificates to prove it. I’d show them to you, but they’re trade secrets.
• @MissElleCee: Just received a 6 page email from my sister with our NYE itinerary. Hopefully I will be drunk for pages 2-6 #nutjob
• @BrettGreene: Best. Relationship Status. Ever. Just read: “I’m in a relationship w/ Facebook …and it’s complicated.”
• @shwood: The most disquieting aspect of the Kinect occurs at 30 seconds after booting, when it looks up and down to size you up. #HAL9000
• @lowhanyew: More contentment; less resentment.
• @trinitysaij: Nothing says Xmas more than a star wars marathon on spike tv
• @shauninman: Video Skyping with in-laws is a comedy of computer errors.
• @jacksonh: Damn, was hoping santa would do the dishes.
• @RaiselM: Sweden celebrates Christmas on the 24th. They need the extra day to assemble their gifts from IKEA.
• @jdickerson: State of Union address will be after visit by Chinese President Hu Jintao. Makes sense: give annual report after meeting with top investor.
• @wilshipley: Dear HP: Printing to one of your stupid printers shouldn’t involve you installing new fucking kernel drivers.
• @noreaga: Most people forget that they are forgetful

Got Gov?

• Bailouts, tax cuts, and deficits.
• You don’t need a wikileak to know that the coordinated attack on wikileaks is by a covert government agency.
• Do you think there is an office pool in some CIA break room to see when Julian Assagne will be neutralized?
• The US has a policy to not negotiate with terrorists, but it is also known to fund and train them.
• Since US forces can’t find Osama in Afghanistan, the TSA is searching in American travelers’ underpants.
• We are enslaved in the name of freedom.
• It’s not a free country, it’s a credit country.
• Lady Liberty is a crack whore for oil.
• I don’t want something that needs to be approved by a regulatory body in my body.
• Constitutional monarchies are largely ceremonial, so is the constitution.
• Some people in the current administration want to replace freedom with feardom.
• for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they’ll never take… OUR FEARDOM!

Politricks

• Don’t Ask, Don’t Read The Repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Act of 2010.
• Whenever someone says that they are backed by “irrefutable facts” they are making it up.
• Whenever someone says that they have the smoking gun, ask for the smoking gunman.
• There is a three party system in American, the Republicans, the Democrats, and Annonymous.
• No one respects your political views, not even those you vote for.
• One dollar, one vote.
• We the sheeple.
• Once elected, they ain’t effective.
• Hope don’t float.
• If they outright lie while campaigning what don’t you think they lie about once elected?

Econemy

• Designed by Apple in California. Manufactured by Foxxcon in China.
• More money more bills.
• Some kids play baseball, other kids make the baseballs for $2/day.
• Saying a corporation is too big to fail is like saying you are too big to eat.
• The capitalism trumps innovation.
• Martin Luther King JR’s estate charges academic authors $50 for each sentence of the “I Have a Dream” speech that they reprint.
• “Sensory trademarks” include a duck quacking (AFLAC), a lion roaring (MGM), yodelling (Yahoo!), giggling (Pillsbury).
• 91 pending trademarks bear Donald Trump’s name, including “Donald J. Trump the Fragrance” and “Trump’s Golden Lager.”
• Micro lenders only leads to micro loan sharks.

Propagandon’t

• NPR: National Propaganda Radio @NPR
• Nationalism needs an enemy.
• If you are listening to this you are the resistance.
• Noticed that http://OFA.BO/ resolves to @BarackObama’s campaign website. BO is the TLD for Bolivia. What happened, Barack.ly wasn’t free?
• Are news networks embedded in the military or the military embedded in the news network?
• Censorship is only bad when it’s done by another country, it’s good for the homeland when it’s done by your country.
• Suspicious Activities Report is the new world order witch hunt.
• There is a lot of chedder in the intel for terror arrests in xmas by interstate corporate sponsored eggtremists.
• Notice how ‘terror arrests’ sounds a lot like ‘terrorists.’
• What ever happened to all that talk about Global Warming? It’s so cold that all of NY and parts of hell have frozen over.
• There are conspiracy theorists, and there are conspiracy engineers.

Question

• Is the Internet half empty or half full?
• Inception is a movie about implanting an idea someone’s mind through their dreams, what idea was implanted while watching the movie?
• Is good the enemy of great?
• If the Swiss army knife has all those blades, how does the Swiss army thank look like?
• Whatever happened to Brownie the brown nose reindeer?
• Which is better, a Star Wars or Lord of the Ring movie marathon?
• What is your soundtrack to 2010?
• When everyone thinks differently at the same time, is it really that different?
• If you could invent a new holiday what would it be?
• Which is worst a flake or a fake?
• Why so serious?
• What is your favorite Christmas movie?
• Can you fake authenticity?
• Is it racist to have a white sale on black Friday?

Randumb

• The world is the world’s greatest theme park, go out for a ride.
• It’s been raining for a week now that everything is soaking wet. I think I need to go to work in a wet suit.
• There is a reason why the term committed is both used to describe a long term relationship and your state in a insane asylum.
• People will always have an opinion even when they don’t have a thought.
• Life is not like a box of chocolate, it’s more like a can of worms.
• Natural endorphin is a natural gateway drug.
• My experience and background is broad and multi-trans-dimensional.
• I’m the CEO of my blog.
• People make me laugh. people + lol = peoplol.
• Shift happens.
• I have a mind altering migraine in the membrane.
• Embarrass always ends with an ASS.
• Let a thousand tweets retweet.
• They see me tweetin, they hatin.
• The future was here.
• Three Little Words: I don’t care!
• Let my people dance!
• Novelty is not long lasting.
• Having an out of body OMG moment.
• I CAN HAZ ZZZZZzzzzz….
• Space is so random.
• I love how my hair is styled when I wake up.
• Sex is the new love.
• Love is not the cure, it is the disease.
• There is no ease in dying from a disease.
• Effort > Excuses
• Happily ever now!
• Happily ever after is a lie.
• Love is straight.

Overheard

• OH: A little hazard pay never hurt anybody.
• OH: my fingers are getting in the way of my typing.
• OH: That’s a hype thing to do.
• OH: xmas wrapping paper is so expensive, that is your xmas present.
• OH: You are so messy you are a mess.
• OH: All I did was open it and it turned on by itself.

Ideatron

• Million Dollar Idea: Fortune cookies with ads and coupons instead of pseudo eastern philosophy.
• Million Dollar Idea: ads on the side of metal detectors, such as stores, airports, etc.
• Million dollar idea: caffeinated stem cells’ juice.
• Million dollar idea of the day: BBQ tofu!
• Million Dollar Idea: Bacon Juice
• I can’t wait until e-ink can be used in clothes. Can you imagine your t-shirt design changing based on emotional state?
• I’mma paint the curve in front my house red. I don’t know why my neighbors always parking their jalopy in front my house.

In Da Future

• In the future, cartoons will deemed pornographic because cartoon character don’t have pants and are often naked.
• In the future, the FBI will tap your Facebook wall, Foursquare check-ins, Twitter status updates, and Yelp reviews without a search warrant.
• In the future, a realist will be called a cynic.
• In the future, all electronic devices will have a secret root user and root kit pre-installed.

Obamanation

• If President Obama would to walk through a naked body scanner it would show that he is a fake.
• Where in the World is Carmen Santiago? Who in the World is Barry Soetoro?
• Instead of Hope, President Obama’s campaign slogan for 2012 should be Grope!

Propagandon’t

• The Art of Civil Disobedience: [redacted] [classified] [censored] [national security treat level purple]
• Rapid rail is an oxymoron like clean coal.
• The media loves to segregate people into black and white, blue state and red state, male and female, and 18-30 years and 30-whatever.

Randumb

• I belong to the church of Our Lady of No Regrets.
• Feliz dia de los muertos y zombies!
• Art is meant to be felt up not held up.
• I’m thankful for being thankful.
• I am a dream machine.
• Traffic jam at In-N-Out drive thru, more at 11.
• The 3G here feels like it lost a G.
• Pomegranate is the flavor of the year.
• Some cultures have holidays where they fast, up to a month, we have a two day holiday devoted to consumption.
• Some songs are only meant to be heard with a bottle of tequila at hand.
• If the Internet would re-imagine Santa, he would say LOL instead of ho! ho! ho! and kids would leave bacon out for him instead of cookies.
• CDs, DVDs, Blu Rays, game cartridges, etc are future antiques sitting on someones shelf.
• Randumb is the best dumb there is.
• My bed is a hotbed of hot.
• Just breath. Just believe. Just be.
• Once you go Black Friday, you don’t go back.

Overheard

• OH: Your food gave diarrhea and your sex gave me gonorrhea.
• OH: The turkey made you lazy.
• OH: I’m done looking at my moms wish list. It’s really an uninspiring list.
• OH: He has a little too much holiday spirit in his cup.
• OH: Your feelings on stuff is ruining your relationships.
• OH: Can I tie you up in tinsel?
• OH: Girl has nothing to show and she is showing it.
• OH: Everyone needs a little glitter in their life.
• OH: We we have now is only like 0.1 of what we need, but it is like 10 times better than what we had before.
• OH: Harrison Ford is a clone but is no Cloney

In The Future

• In the future, to travel we would have to wear TSA approved travel gowns and slippers, much like medical gowns.
• In the future, the government will repress opponents by calling them copyright pirates or terrorist.
• In the future, civil disobedience will be in the form of retweet.
• In the future, there will be a new venereal disease vector, TSA genital groping.
• In the future, if a baby is born in transit the TSA pass him or her through a x-ray scanner before the mom can hold the baby.
• In the future, a baby being born will need to agree to term of service and end user license agreements.
• In the future, the FBI will raid your home because of the heirloom tomatoes you are growing in your backyard.

USA TSA

• I practice safe sex and safe enhanced security groping. It good to be safe from terrorists and TSA spread STDs.
• I been hearing all these stories of the TSA fondling and codling with transports, I’ll be wearing a condom next time I travel to be safe.
• TSA: TSA Sexual Assualt
• What is the TSA’s exit plan?
• Worst governmental agencies in history: the Hitler’s SS, Hussein’s Republican Guards, and Obama’s TSA.
• The TSA would just as well force everyone to walk around naked so they could get a better view.
• TSA want to check your private package personally! Opt out! Cock out! Opt out!
• I figured out what TSA stands for, Thuggishly Screen Americans!
• Can’t wait until the government starts a national database of naked body scanner pictures.
• It’s not security when your own government use scare tactics.
• You give up all civil rights when you give up your genitalia to government officials, because by then the government has you by the balls!

Got Government?

• After two years into his administration, why do I feel like President Obama pulled a Nigerian scam on the American people!
• Words that have lost their meaning in 2010: transparency, open, hope
• Are you down with the GOP? Yeah, you know me!
• War on Terror really means war x terror, resulting in more of both not less of each.
• Playboy should do a an issue where all the pictures are taken from the naked body scanners used by the TSA at airport security checkpoints.
• What the TSA considers optional procedures are another name for beta testing and they are testing on the public!
• To opt-out is a constitutional right!
• Aside from the Bible, the most often misinterpreted and misunderstood document is the constitution!
• China is one giant fiefdom of corporate sweatshops.
• The next world war will be over the moon’s resources!

Politricks

• Ron Paul and The Rent Is Too Damn High Party Guy for president 2012!!!
• There are four kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics, and campaign promises!If Hitler were alive today, he would be the president of the RIAA.
• As a business woman, if Meg Whitman has spent $140 million of her own cash for her campaign, what does she expect as a ROI on that?
• It is calculated that Meg Whitman has spent $140 million of her own money on her campaign. Talk about trying to buy an election.
• #rally4sanity is a rally without a cause.
• Democracy, based on a true story.
• The Oscars should have a new award category, Best Political Campaign Smear Ad!

Econemy

• Liquidity is king.
• What industry can we outsource next? Agriculture?
• All blue color jobs will be outsourced to robots.
• American pride is well ahead of the American economy.
• How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could outsource wood chucking?
• What a folly to believe you are saving money by buying something on sale, especially if you can do without it!
• Capitalism is driven in large part by selling to people that don’t have the money things that they do not need.

Propagandon’t

• When talking about Pakistan, the news often speaks of the “tribal area.”. Where is the tribal area of the US? Washington, DC!
• The political correctness police is just as bad as the secret police in making examples of those that honestly speak their mind.
• We all remembered the Alamo, but the reason why we should remember the Alamo we did not remember.
• Another word for Cap and Trade is carbon emission fiefdom.
• Another word for Cap and Trade is rations.
• Education requires student participation.
• The news has a statistical error rate of 30%!
• Freedom begets freedom.

Question

• If the universe was a painting would it be more like a Michelangelo, Picasso, or Banksy?
• Is there such a thing as too much data?
• Where in the world is sesame street located at?
• If a zombie eats a green 1-up mushroom does it come back to life?
• What is the current temperature of the universe?
• What is up with teams named after years, the 49ers, the 76ers?
• If your name is it, what is the word used to describe something as belonging to you? Is it, it’s or its?

Randumb

• I meme therefore I am.
• Grammatical rules are meant to be broken!
• The future is an origami folded onto a fractal.
• In the end, gravity always win!
• Pumpkin is a great flavor, I should patent it.
• Don’t let you conscious mind cock block your subconscious mind.
• Some people are sex machines others sex robots.
• I tweet therefore I am.
• Stress is a gateway emotion!
• Chocolate rain is a great example of a purple cow.
• What is up with teams named after years, the 49ers, the 76ers? I wanna start a new team, the 10Kers BC!
• 3D TV is to real 3D what reality TV is to regular reality.
• Give me a S. Give me a I. Give me a C. Give me a tissue. What does that spell? I’m sickie…
• Man, I have a bad case of funk shui!
• There no vacation for a parent!
• Dim Sum is the Chinese version of Spanish Tapas.
• Love hurts deeply!
• Love is the other four letter word.
• Love means never having to say your sorry but always admitting its you fault, “It’s my fault honey, I’ll fix that.”
• It’s a thin line between love and hate, and the more passionately someone hates someone else the more that line bleeds into love.

Overheard

• OH: Are you going to tweet that?
• OH: What we have now is only like 0.1 of what we need, but it’s like 10 times better than what we had before.
• OH: I’m not paying the heating bill for ghosts.
• OH: that’s what happens when a post is auto-generated from a Twitter account with tweets entered on an iPhone by someone with fat fingers.
• OH: I’m tough on you because I need you to be tough!
• OH: You should be a computer security researcher since you seem to be the first to contract every computer virus known to man.
• OH: There’s always been pros and cons left and right day and night then and now, always.
• OH: Your logic doesn’t follow, so neither do I.
• OH: This tastes like space Chinese food.
• OH: Don’t you worry about it. When you start worrying about me that’s when I get worried.
• OH: Oh, no, Obama is the President of the United States, he would never lie to the people, why would you think that?

Craporation

• McDs should have a truth in advertising campaign and name their products to better descriptive names like McFatty, McGrub, and McTasteless.
• If you farm generic genetically engineered fish twice the size and in half the time then you’ll get none of the flavor.
• Monsanto should make a cooking book, Genetically Modified Foods for the Soul
• In addition to fish, meat, diary, and vegetables there is a new food group, bioengineered.

Halloween

• Happy Halloween! Trick or tweet!!!
• If grown people come to trick or treat and they don’t have a costume they are getting veggie stix!
• People getting rid of Easter candy on Halloween: http://twitpic.com/32u2ca
• Why are people giving out Easter candy on Halloween.
• Who you gonna call? Watching Ghostbusters!
• Watching The Simpsons’ Treehouse of Horror marathon!

Got Gov?

• Fees are the new taxes.
• No new wars. No new taxes.
• Laws are made to make everyone out to be criminals.
• Just how the US government has a Department of the Interior it should have a Department of the Pursuit of Happiness.
• Stupidity is not illegal, in fact it’s usually written right into the law.
• We are a nation of laws and loopholes. We are a nation of citizens and cheats.
• The US is a one party system, Republicans and Democrat are two side of the same coin, two pockets in the same special interest.
• The Situation for Senate.
• Tax subsidy is an oxymoron.

Econemy

• Life, liberty and the pursuit of capital!
• Capitalism teaches people that a persons value in society is based on his or her financial net worth.
• Investment bankers are high with your own supply.

Question

• Is time a wave or a particle?
• Ice cream or cake?
• Do two majors (major major) add up to one problem?
• Which is best fish sticks or meatballs?
• Is there a Jehovah Witness do not call list?
• Do you feel better when you save or splurge?
• Why do you need drugs to kick the habit of taking drugs?
• Why am I carrying all these cards, credit cards, reward cards, gift cards, hotel key cards?
• What’s the Finnish word for finish?
• Are you working or working it?
• Is TV reality celebrity a new career choice?
• Is there anything higher than cloud 9?
• Can you have OCD but be to lazy to be compulsive?
• What cartoon character you relate with the most?
• Happy Friday the 13th! Does Hallmark have a card for the occasion?
• The Great Traffic Jam of China: China does everything in epic proportions, from walls to traffic congestion?
• If you could take one pill for either happiness, beauty, or intelligence which pill would you take?
• If everything is said to taste like chicken, why don’t McChicken nuggets taste like chicken?

Randumb

• There is a thin line between love and hate, and between alimony and all-da-money.
• If I was to write a book I think it would be called Love in the Time of Porn.
• I thought I’ve seen it all, backseat driver, arm chair quarterback, and now behind the spotlight reality celebrity.
• Simplified Chinese Characters is an oxymoron.
• New national security threat: extremist bed bugs!
• Does <3 = less than three?
• In a social drinker, I drink while on social networking sites.
• I’m too lazy to be obsessive!
• All words are made up words!
• Secret of Life: Don’t Give Up
• You are not your network.
• If you can’t make it anywhere you can’t make it nowhere.
• WILL DANCE FOR BEATS!
• Things that happen to us are not like quick sand. Don’t get stuck in something that happened a long time back.
• The best book you can give to any one is a blank sketch book.
• At HomeTown Buffet with my home town homies.
• If only dreams can go viral.
• Feelings have meaning.
• Nerdy is the new sexy.
• All the advice you ever need: Live well, love much, laugh often, drink plenty of water, go regularly, hate the game not the player, …
• Some women, instead of breast implants, should get a brain transplant.
• Don’t waste too much time explaining your life to people that are not part of it.
• What’s the grosses item on the McD’s menu? The mushroom angus wrap was pretty bad.
• I never understood why the show Doctor Who was named that, since the Doctor is a time traveler wouldn’t s better name be Doctor When?

Million Dollar Ideas

• Million dollar idea of the day: Motion detector audible buzzer device that acts as a scare crow/pigeon but is not heard by people.
• Million dollar idea of the day: they have queen and king size beds, standardize on a new empress mattress size.
• Million dollar idea of the day: Install translucent palm tree shaped solar panels at parking lots. It provides shade and generates energy.
• Million dollar idea of the day: flavored drink that once frozen in the refrigerator turns into a smoothie/slurpee, no blender required.
• Million dollar idea of the day: Wasabi Toothpaste
• Million dollar idea of the day: Bling band-aid
• It doesn’t really matter of the universe is expanding or shrinking, it matters if your mind is.

In Da Future

• In the future, a camera will be considered a weapon.
• In the future all forms marriages will be abolish.
• In the future, weed will come with the terms of service and user agreement.
• In the future, there will be behavior detection officers amongst us monitoring your every move.
• In the future, the constitution will be redacted.
• In the future, telling someone the time will be considered an insult.
• In the future, Facebook and Google will have a thought crime division which will report you to the authorities for pre-crime activities.
• In the future, a new car will come with power windows, dashboard cam, 4G/wifi, twitter account, facebook connect, app store, and a keg.
• It is said that a man’s home is his castle, in the future a man’s home will be his prison.
• In the future, politics will be known as the p-word.
• In the future there will be apps for your TV, your car, your clothes, your passport, and your brain.
• The future called, said it would call again later.
• I make up the future as I go.